Put your inner critic on time-out for a moment. Get beyond your intellectual left brain that may say, “Of course God knows and cares about my sexuality.” Get into your right brain, your heart, what your emotions say about the question. Perhaps even look at yourself from the perspective of an outside observer. What is your soul saying about the question, Where is God in my sexuality?

Here are a few things I’ve heard when talking to people about this question:

• “God and sex are not connected. My brain sees them in totally separate categories.”
• “I’ve sinned so much God must have given up on me. I’ll never be able to measure up.”
• “Why would God create me with a sex drive and no legitimate outlet for it? That’s cruel.”
• “I hate the culture God set up where men have all the power. My life had been so bad that it actually got better when I started using my sexuality to get what I need.”

My heart grieves deeply when I hear things like this. This is not the way things were meant to be. Evil has leveraged lies, wounds, and empty places to mar, distort, steal, kill, and destroy in this most tender, even sacred, part of our very being. And evil knew very well what the outcome would be.

And so did God.

God also knows that the internal mental maps in your soul about “God and sexuality” came from somewhere. Those internal mental maps need to be challenged, and healed.

Internal Picture of God

What comes into your mind when you think of God? Someone out to get you, just watching for you to mess up? A distant almost-senile grandfather-type in the sky who’s not very involved? A tolerant overseer who’s basically happy with whatever you think makes you happy? Someone caught off guard by how evil has exploited sex and sexuality?

Being honest with yourself about your internal response to “God and sexuality” is a necessary starting point. When He was here on earth Jesus always started with what is. No pretending things are different than they are. You don’t have to “get it together” before you invite God into your “stuff.” You can’t “get it together!” That’s why Jesus came in the first place.

I love what I heard somewhere; Religion says, “I messed up. My dad is going to kill me!” But the gospel says, “I messed up. I better call my Dad.”

So right in the middle of your mess, run to Jesus, not away from Him.

That applies to the ways in which you’ve done stuff you’re ashamed of. But it also applies to the ways in which you’ve been harmed. You didn’t wake up one day and decide to have sexual issues. What happened to that young bride (or groom) who was totally unprepared for the messy building of sexual intimacy in marriage? Or to the teenager feeling bullied and ostracized because of their sexual naiveite? Or the tween who had no one to talk to about the porn they were exposed to, or the onslaught of puberty? And what about that young girl or boy whose body and soul were sexually exploited for someone else’s evil pleasure?

You can invite Jesus right into the middle of that.

Invite Jesus In

So what would it look like to invite Jesus right into the middle of whatever your stuff is? Right into the middle of your sexuality?

That thought might seem so foreign; that part of me is too messed up, too dirty. God can’t want to come into the middle of that. But if you’ve been trying to clean yourself up, how’s that been working for you? When He was here on earth Jesus never shied away from people who were dealing with bad or hard stuff.

Or that thought might feel scary, or impossible. You’ve erected walls around your heart of hiding, anger, or shame, desperate to keep from getting hurt again. You may realize you’ve kept God at arms’ length also, but to let Him in – how could you ever do that? You couldn’t bear feeling that exposed, even to God.

And what might inviting Him in require of you? Would it leave you lonely or exhausted? Could you stand the pain of allowing those parts of you into the light?

Know that Jesus is patient. He sees the whole story that brought you to where you are now, including the parts of you that shrink from allowing Him close. But He’s the only One who can do what you need done in the deepest parts of your soul. This will be no telehealth remote “zap” from on high; Jesus only works when you allow Him to come close.

Jesus Changes Things

Jesus often, almost always in fact, works through people. The best place to start is to find someone safe enough, and tell part of your story. That might be to one godly kind friend, a Christian therapist or spiritual director, or in a small group setting. Your brain needs the experience of being seen and heard in the dark places of your sexuality – and it being OK.

And then at some point Jesus will knock on the door and say, “Please let Me in here.” You have a choice at that moment. He knows your personality; that knock may be intense, but it’s usually the quietest most tender invitation you can imagine. A man wrestling with sexual brokenness was overcome with the realization of “Jesus for my sex life!” One lady at our most recent Intensive suddenly saw Jesus standing on the path in front of her, beckoning her to follow.

Whether your stuff is small or large, a nagging discomfort or the deepest dysfunction you can imagine, Jesus doesn’t leave you the same as He finds you. When He was here on earth things changed when Jesus showed up. Lame legs walked. Blind eyes saw. Dead things came to life. Brokenness was healed.

And things won’t stay the same in your heart, mind, life – sexuality – when Jesus shows up there either.

So, where is God in your sexuality?

Won’t you invite Him right into the middle of it?

Your Turn: Where is God in your sexuality? Where has He been? What would it be like for you to invite Jesus, who both is God and who also understands you fully as a human, right into the middle of your sexuality?  Leave a comment below.

Want more? On this week’s podcast spiritual director Bill Delveaux talks about his experience in helping men invite God into their sexuality. Listen or watch.

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• Where is God in your sexuality? Many people see Him as distant, oppressive, condemning, or uncaring. But Jesus wants to come in – not only into your life, but specifically into your sexuality.  Tweet that.

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