Family is messy! You don’t get to choose your parents, your siblings, or your extended family. Any parent will tell you that raising children is risky, unpredictable – and messy. Sometimes you may have a love-hate relationship with your family. For most of us, the deepest moments of both pain and joy come from family. The Bible repeatedly uses metaphors from messy families to help us make sense of the kingdom of God.

Look at the families talked about in Scripture. We see blended families, infidelity, loss and grief, betrayal, murder, infertility, estrangement, favoritism, and all other manner of dysfunction – all in the context of families. Those categories are not all the same, but it’s a sobering and real picture of what we experience in “real life.” (And by the way, where are the really functional families, anyway?!)

So when we read in the New Testament about the church being the family of God, should we be surprised that this family has its issues too?

Messy families need help! But that’s not what we’re addressing here. I want to look at what a few areas of family “stuff” show us about how God deals with us both as individuals and as His people.

Blended Family

I’m part of a blended family. In my case it’s the best of all possible worlds; my husband’s boys and their families truly welcomed me into the family. Many blended families aren’t nearly as happy as mine. Yesterday at a family gathering, after telling me all about his high school band, my youngest grandson gave me a big hug and said, “I love you, Grandma Carol!” My heart is deeply warmed by such moments.

The family of God is all blended. Our current cultural moment is deeply divided over politics, ethnicity, economic status, religion, and all the ideologies and isms imaginable. But as Jesus said to His disciples, “It shall not be so among you” (Mark 10:43). Human distinctions or power have no place in the kingdom of God.

Paul said, “There is neither Jew nor Greek, there is neither slave nor free, there is no male and female, for you are all one in Christ Jesus. And if you are Christ’s, then you are Abraham’s offspring, heirs according to promise” (Galatians 3:28-29). He was not saying that gender, ethnicity, or economic realities don’t exist; He was saying that in the kingdom of God we come to truly see each other first as fellow followers of Jesus.

In the early church those of different ethnicities, genders, and social status all worshiped together. That became both an amazement and a scandal to the surrounding Greco-Roman culture.

What if we in the body of Christ could become known not by our denomination, where we were born, or who we voted for, but by the fact that we have “been with Jesus,” and have therefore been forever changed.

Dysfunctional

Yes, where are the really functional families, anyway? And the family of God is no different.

We keep hearing far too often about Christian leaders who have behaved badly, and about the systems that have generally responded poorly, causing even deeper trauma and pain to those who have been impacted. In Scripture God reserves His harshest indictments for shepherds who are eating (i.e. exploiting) the sheep instead of caring for them. Domestic violence, narcissism, sexual (and other) addiction, greed, and every other manner of hurtful behavior is alive and well – among Christians.

Some might say, “Then I’m leaving!”

If you feel that way, I believe Jesus’ first response would not be anger or disappointment with you, but to gather you in His arms, tend to your excruciating wounds, and minister His healing to the deepest parts of your being.

Friends, it is not loving to allow bad behavior to continue when you’re in a position to do something about it. Covering up an infection with a Band-aid and Tylenol doesn’t help; the infection could still kill you. For those who are in a position of leadership, dealing with the flagrant or subtle cancers in the body of Christ is an absolute necessity.

And as dysfunctional as this family is, I would pray that you, as I have, come to the conclusion, as Peter did, that “we have nowhere else to go!” (See John 6:68) The church was, and still is, Jesus’ idea; He has no Plan B. We must deal with the deep dysfunctions. But this is still the family of God.

Adoption

Perhaps one of the most beautiful metaphors from messy families is that of adoption. Those who have stepped up and adopted children in need into their family forever demonstrate something amazing about the family of God. Adoptive families will tell you that it’s still messy! Children in need of adoption come out of trauma, loss, and pain. The stories are brutal – and heartwarming. But the process of going from brutal to heartwarming is often long and incredibly costly.

In the family of God you and I might be tempted to think we’re the “good” ones. Like the older brother, we’ve polished our halos and stuck around. We haven’t messed up like “those” people. But the Father sees just how lost we are. Even with our closed-off hearts, we’re invited to the feast. Will we let down our defensiveness and pride, accept that we are more desperately needy than we ever realized, and say Yes to the forever gift of adoption? (See Luke 15:28-32)

Or you and I might feel more like the younger brother, no longer “worthy” of being part of the family of God. Too far gone. Messed up too much. Broken and desperate, we come crawling back, hoping there might be a crumb for us somewhere to fill our emptiness. But we too are invited to the feast! Will we let go of our self-contempt and striving, receive the gifts of belonging and honor, and say Yes to the reality that we are adopted as children of God forever? (See Luke 15:20-24)

Remember, an adoptive child is not adopted because they are worthy, but because they are chosen. And God chose you! (Ephesians 1:5)

Thank God that His family is messy. Because you and I can be in it!

Your Turn: What aspect of messy families have you lived through, or are living now? What does that tell you about the family of God?   Leave a comment below.

Want more? This week on the podcast I talk with Scott and Vanessa Martindale about blended families – both messy and beautiful. Listen or watch.

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