Think of the person you are closest to. That might be a really good friend, your spouse, perhaps a brother or sister. And if you don’t have anyone like that, imagine what it would be like. You enjoy being together and doing things together. You communicate all the time and know what’s going on in each other’s lives and hearts. When you experience something either good or bad, they’re the first one you want to share it with.

Now think about your relationship with God. Is it anything like that close human relationship you have or imagined? Do you enjoy being with Him and doing things with Him? Do you know what’s going on His heart and share your heart with Him? Is He the first One you want to share what you experience with, good or bad?

For so many people, the answer to those questions is No. And there’s nothing more tragic.

Like in so many areas of life, this is not likely to be fixed by simply knowing more information. You’ve developed an internal picture of God that may be less than healthy. Experiences around intimacy gone wrong have led you to erect internal barriers, walls that keep you away from Him. Your right-brain emotional deeper self is where the issue is.

So what might it look like to get past those barriers and experience a real relationship with God?

Jesus’ Example

Imagine being one of Jesus’ disciples. You would have been a good Jewish boy, and almost certainly have gone to synagogue school. You’d have learned the Old Testament, including how to pray. You would have seen people pray all the time, and almost certainly have prayed yourself.

Then you get to know Jesus. You would have seen Him often withdraw from the crowds, even from you, and spend time with His Father in prayer. When you did hear Him pray it sounded different than what you had seen from the religious leaders or had learned in synagogue school. When Jesus prayed it was – intimate.

And you’d never learned to pray like that.

No wonder you would have asked, “Lord, teach us to pray” (Luke 11:1).

If your communication with your best friend sounded like your prayers, how healthy would that relationship be? For so many people, their prayers sound like a list of complaints and requests. There is much in Scripture about bringing our complaints and requests to God (Philippians 4:6). God’s very best friends such as Moses, David, and Jeremiah did that. But it must not stop there.

God is not a heavenly vending machine; put in the “right” prayer and get out a blessing. God is not Someone you can control or manipulate, even with your prayers. This is about communication – the foundation of a relationship.

Your Prayers as Communication

Like with a good friend or spouse, if your relationship with God is primarily based on what you can get out of it, the relationship will at best be superficial. It must grow to become about intimacy – knowing and being known.

When it comes to communication with God (er, prayer), it needs to include all the dynamics of how you would communicate with a good friend or spouse:

• Text message conversations. “Jesus, HELP!” “Lord, thank You!”
• Logistical conversations. “Lord, where are You leading? What are we doing today, Boss?”
• Hard conversations. Talking about problems, fears, complaints, struggles, requests, troubled human relationships, etc.
• Heart conversations. Unhurriedly sharing about dreams, hopes, feelings, as you might on a really good date night, and listening unhurriedly to His heart.
• Fun conversations. Exuberantly sharing joy, gratitude, good experiences.
• Silent conversations. The deepest times of intimacy are often when you are simply being together, no words needed.

If your communication with God included more of those elements, wouldn’t that feel more like a real relationship? That’s the point. And of course for this to work you must also listen! If listening to God isn’t part of prayer it’s one-sided; that’s not communication.

Often your own emotional state will cloud your ability to sense God’s presence or hear His voice. Imagine approaching the throne room of heaven; “Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need” (Hebrews 4:16). Imagine holding your “stuff” in your hands for a moment, acknowledging it all, and then laying it down at the door. Then you will find some internal freedom to come closer to the throne – His presence – and find more grace than you ever imagined.

Other Spiritual Disciplines

The purpose of all the practices we engage in as followers of Jesus, the so-called spiritual disciplines, is to foster our relationship with Him and form us into His likeness (Romans 8:29). If your religious activities aren’t moving you along that trajectory, something’s off.

Take Scripture, for example. If you are only going to the Bible for information, you’re missing the point. There are atheists who spend their whole lives studying the Bible – and don’t know God. But going to the Bible for spiritual nourishment is different. Scripture shows us the big story, and how God has dealt with other people. The Psalms (and others) can be a powerful place to start your own prayers from.

“Good works” (Ephesians 2:10) are not for the purpose of earning brownie points with God; they flow out of our relationship with Him. Acts of service or joining with God in aspects of ministry can become some of the most exhilarating parts of life with Him. You know without a doubt that you’re partnering with Someone so much bigger than you. It becomes a privilege and a joy.

Just like with a friendship or marriage, remember that these spiritual disciplines don’t always bring shiny happy feelings, at least not right now. They are the things you engage in to nourish and develop your relationship with God regardless of whether it feels good today or not.

Keep Showing Up

Like any training program, like any good human relationship, the real benefits come when you stick with it over a long period of time. May you know the kind of relationship with God that keeps getting better and stronger for today and for years to come.

Your Turn: How healthy is your relationship with God? Making that healthier is not about trying harder, but it is about continuing to “show up.” Where do you see the need to stretch how you engage with your relationship with Him?   Leave a comment below.

Want more? On this week’s podcast I talk with Clint and Charity Munoz about the inner heart work necessary in rebuilding a marriage after betrayal.  Listen or watch.

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