Who wants to feel bad? I certainly don’t. There’s a whole list of feelings we usually consider “bad”: anxiety, anger, frustration, boredom, pain, grief, fear, sadness, loneliness, fatigue, etc. You could probably name more. Our usual response is to try to stop the negative feeling and get to relief or peace. But what if feeling bad isn’t always a bad thing?

Let me quickly acknowledge that many people have experienced or are experiencing overwhelming pain. Trauma is real. And nothing I’m saying here is meant to minimize what you’re carrying. This is not “oh just get over it,” or “everything happens for a reason.” You need care and healing. Your “job” in that process is to seek out that healing.

But today I’m talking about how we will never get what we truly long for, or what God has for us, by trying to eliminate negative feelings. God has not promised us freedom from pain, not yet. This world is not fair.

Everything will be made right, in the end. But in the meantime, instead of descending into distraction, disassociation, or addictions of whatever variety, this reframe on feeling bad just might catapult you forward in a much more fruitful way.

What the Bible Says

Psalm 23 is one of the most loved passages of Scripture. We love the image of the caring Shepherd, the quiet waters, the green pastures, the bountiful table, the comfort and goodness.

But let me point out that this very Psalm also includes the images of “the presence of my enemies” and “the valley of the shadow of death” (Psalm 23:4-5). We can be quick to latch onto the peace and goodness and forget the context in which we experience the Good Shepherd; it’s in the middle of a world at war.

The New Testament often expresses the reality of hard things and negative emotions in our Christian life here and now:

• “I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world” (John 16:33). Jesus promised us both trouble – and peace.
• “Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope” (Romans 5:3-4). Suffering is the pathway to hope.
• “Be angry, and do not sin” (Psalm 4:4, Ephesians 4:26). God assumes we will get angry. Jesus did! So there must be something to do with our anger that is not sinful, other than stuffing it.
• “In your struggle against sin you have not yet resisted to the point of shedding your blood” (Hebrews 12:4). The struggle against sin costs us something that’s painful.

This is just a small sample of what the Bible says about our so-called negative feelings. It helps to embrace that, as M. Scott Peck said, “Life is difficult.”

What Contemporary Science Says

You actually already know this. You know your muscles or your heart only become stronger when you exercise. The most elite athletes stress their body more than the rest of us, often with very real physical pain, and only then do they achieve exceptional results.

This applies in every area of life. Refusing to embrace discomfort along the way prevents any chance of becoming better. Being an emotional, relational, or spiritual couch potato won’t stop God from loving you! But you’ll never become who you could be.

Just a few studies to back this up:

• Among people going to therapy, 75% of those who made some lasting positive change had felt significant anxiety in doing so. And those who were unwilling to experience that anxiety generally weren’t able to change.
• Participants at a 3-day secular meditation retreat felt exhausted with the grueling experience, but showed measurable improvements in mental and physical resilience even months later.
• ”Boring” may one of the best ways to stimulate creativity. Boredom can put your brain in a state to come up with new ideas and associations, which constant stimulation doesn’t allow.
• Research on those going through spiritual struggles documents that they often experience greater personal growth, depth, and integration as a result, especially when they connect with caring others in the process.
• Couples who successfully resolved relational injuries moved toward increased trust, forgiveness, emotional safety, and reconciliation. This is a transformation of the relationship itself, not merely symptom reduction.

The point of all this is that our souls, our emotions, our very brain pathways, need “exercise” in order for us to become our best and most resilient, happiest, productive selves. And that involves “feeling bad.”

If You Feel Bad

When they feel uncomfortable many people immediately try to stop the negative feeling by distracting themselves with entertainment, social media, porn, binging on food or Netflix, etc. Others might let the feeling “rule” them by yelling in anger or making a rash decision they later regret.

Instead, here are some healthier ways to proceed when you are feeling bad.

1. Slow down. Intentionally sit with feeling bad for a bit. You’re exercising your soul’s muscles. Mental health experts call this “widening the window of tolerance.”
2. Get curious. What am I really feeling? Notice it. Get specific. What is this feeling trying to tell me? Anger is a sign something is not “right.” Sadness means you’ve lost something meaningful. Anxiety means your internal system feels threatened.
3. Make a choice. What do you need to do next? Get further information? Ask for some help? Grieve? Have a hard conversation? Do some self-care? Rather than immediate reaction, take the time to make a choice.
4. Ask for Jesus’ input. I’ve found it so helpful to ask Jesus, “What’s going on here? And what next step do You want me to take?” He certainly knows more than you do. Wouldn’t it be helpful to ask for His perspective?

Feeling bad may not mean you’re doing anything wrong; it might be you’re doing something right. Your troubling feelings might even be part of divine discontent, by which God is directing you to something important, larger, and wonderful.

Don’t waste feeling bad.

And next time we’ll talk about some practical ways to regulate challenging emotions as a follower of Jesus.

Your turn: What negative feelings are the biggest challenge for you? How do you normally react when feeling bad? If your “bad feelings” could talk, what would they be trying to tell you?   Leave a comment below.

Want more? The podcast this week is with Dr. Eddie Capparucci, about stepping back from our emotions enough to understand and regulate them, especially for those struggling with problematic sexual behaviors. Listen or watch.

Tweetables: why not share this post?

• • None of us likes feeling bad. But immediately trying to stop negative feelings may sabotage the very thing they are trying to tell us, or the way Jesus wants to use them. Here are 4 things to do when feeling bad. Tweet that.

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