Trying harder just wears you out. And trying to become like Jesus can feel especially discouraging. But there’s a very empowering way to think about this process; training, not trying. Like training for a marathon or practicing to become a great musician, training in our spiritual formation involves the things we do regularly, even every day.

As the early church grew after Jesus returned to heaven, His early followers quickly discovered that “the world, the flesh, and the devil” would invade their lives and seek to prevent them from becoming who God was calling them to be. Serious disciples developed the idea of a “rule of life” as a scaffolding or trellis providing a foundation for how to live as followers of Jesus. We can learn a lot from them.

Today many people realize how our instant-gratification fast-paced technologically-driven performance-based culture forms us in ways that are anything but the kind of people who are like Jesus. If anyone needs a rule of life, it’s those of us living in a world where we can know anything and get almost anything with a couple clicks.

If you continued on your current trajectory for another year, or ten years, would you be happy with where you would end up? Would you be more like Jesus if you continued on in the direction you’re going?  If so, carry on! If not, keep reading and consider this an invitation to a more intentional way of living.

It may be time to create your own rule of life – specific to the reality you are living in right now.

Training, not Trying

There are many analogies we could draw on; the muscle and cardiovascular training required to become physically fit, or an elite athlete. A child may have musical ability but only becomes an excellent musician with years of diligent training. We could name many more examples of this:

Great performance and significant impact only come after a long season of intentional training and growth.

Elite Navy SEALs say that when the pressure is on you don’t rise to the occasion; you fall to the level of your training.

Why should we think it would be any different in our relational/emotional wholeness, our internal resilience, or our spiritual formation?

It doesn’t work to say, Be kinder to your spouse. Don’t watch porn. Give generously. Don’t hurt people when you get angry. Treat people like Jesus did. Those would be very good things, but simply trying harder to do them doesn’t work. It takes a training process.

That’s what a rule of life is; a pathway moving you toward becoming who God always intended you to be, a bootcamp, a training program so that you come to the place where you “bear much fruit” (John 15:5,8). It takes into account the limitations and reality of your current life. It removes excuses and focuses on actions you take regularly rather than far-away goals you may or may not “achieve.”

Intense Effort and Intentional Recovery

We may understand this best from the realm of athletics. Truly elite athletes put exceptional effort into their training program. And they are also at least as intentional about their plan for recovery and rest. Wind sprints or free throws are super important drills. Muscles need to be pushed! And without the ice baths, knee wraps, and days off, their physical bodies could never reach peak performance.

We now have research documenting that same principle in our mental/emotional development. It takes hard work to address what’s under the surface and to retrain your brain’s long-standing destructive patterns. And it also takes rest and recovery periods.

We need to be stretched mentally, emotionally, relationally, spiritually. Resilience and strength only come with significant and sustained effort. And effort without recovery wears out our internal “system.” It takes both.

Different life seasons often require a different focus in your rule of life. But do keep in mind that doom-scrolling through social media, binging on Netflix, or escaping into video games because you “need some down time” is not rest and recovery. And it may be harming your personal becoming.

Elements in Your Rule of Life

There are many resources out there to help you develop a rule of life. Let me offer a few categories to consider, taking into account the rhythms of effort and rest we all require.

• Physical wholeness. Your body was made to move. Longevity, disease prevention, and general wellbeing require exercise – cardiovascular activity and strength/muscle training. And it also requires adequate sleep and times of relaxation. How will you incorporate both exercise and rest into your life regularly?
• Mental growth. Learning must be a lifelong pursuit – both spiritually and in other areas. Books, podcasts, conferences, training courses; pursue those! And your mind also needs time to rest – not to be entertained, but to let beauty, nature, or similar goodness enter the depths of your soul. Entertainment may not always be “bad,” but it is not rest.
• Emotional development. We all have “stuff” we are carrying; family of origin issues, unhealthy patterns of relating, addictions, emotional struggles. I tell my clients often, “Schedule the hard.” Most of us need to dedicate time regularly to activities such as journaling, therapy, working on our “stuff.” And as with mental growth, we also need times to rest and let goodness simply enter our souls.
• Relational struggles. If you’re married, this looks like scheduling time for hard conversations and intentionally processing conflict, and also times for fun date nights. For all of us, it looks like pursuing connection with a few people even when it’s hard, people who will call you on your stuff and challenge and encourage you. And we also must learn to become comfortable with time being alone.
• Spiritual resilience. There are times to lean into hard spiritual struggles, to fight the devil, to struggle against sin, to wrestle with God, to push into the hard places He is inviting you into. And that must be paired with resting in the arms of God, Who offers an inexhaustible supply of love and grace.

As you read those descriptions, you probably sense one or more areas where your rule of life needs to have a healthier rhythm.

On the High Places

I love Psalm 18:33-34;

He made my feet like the feet of a deer and set me secure on the heights. He trains my hands for war, so that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.

We love the first part, being set securely on high places. But that only comes through being trained for and through effort and struggle.

May you know both the exhilaration of becoming strong, and the peace of being set securely on the high places God has for you.

Your turn: Which element in your Rule of Life needs attention right now? Do you need to lean more into rest or into effortful training?  Leave a comment below.

Want more? This week’s podcast is our regular monthly feature with Zion and Avery Montgomery, where we talk about developing a rule of life, training not trying, and avoiding some pitfalls along the way.  Listen or watch.

Tweetables: why not share this post?

• A rule of life for the follower of Jesus does not mean either withdrawal or striving. It’s training, not trying. Here’s what that can look like with both intentional training effort and purposeful rest.  Tweet that.

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