There was a time years ago when I dreaded Christmas, primarily because I felt alone. My extended family felt – and was – complicated. I had to work at the hospital through the holidays. And although I knew a lot of people I didn’t feel close to anyone. Christmas carols grated on my soul like sandpaper.

I will always remember with gratitude one year during that time when one of my superiors invited me to her house to spend Christmas Eve with her family. It wasn’t fancy and I felt a bit awkward, but I treasured the moment of being seen and included.

Perhaps you’re fighting a case of the Holiday Blues yourself this year and you wish for this season to be over. As with most things, however, if you focus on what you can do, your spirit, mind, and body will be lifted up in ways that may surprise you.

So what can you do? Looking beyond yourself is a good spiritual – and mental health – practice at any time of year, but especially in this season. And there’s a priceless Christmas gift you can give that doesn’t cost a penny.

Taking Agency

This is a fancy psychological term for choosing to focus on the choices you do have and the actions you can take, rather than on things that are completely out of your control. And you always have more choices than you think.

It’s just common sense that embracing your own agency, doing what you can do, would make you feel better. But there’s also great scientific research that documents the same thing. Studies of people including prisoners of war, cancer patients, and more show that your mood and energy level will lift when you make the choices and take the actions that are within your capacity to do.

Decades ago Christian psychiatrist Dr. Karl Menninger was asked what he would tell someone to do who felt a nervous breakdown coming on. His reply: “Lock up your house, go across the railroad tracks, find someone in need and do something for him.” It works!

And that points to one of the most important choices you can make; you reach out and choose to connect with someone.

Someone Needing Connection

There are people in your world who are also lonely this Christmas. Several current TV commercials promote reaching out and connecting with someone who needs it. But that can feel more daunting if you’re the one feeling alone.

Here’s where you taking agency comes into play. You may wish someone would invite you to Christmas eve, like my superior did for me years ago. And that’s what the body of Christ was designed to be for each other. But even if that doesn’t happen, you don’t have to stay in misery. If you don’t get invited, why don’t you make an invitation?

There’s someone you know who is hurting this year. Perhaps someone who lost a loved one, or lost a job. It may be a neighbor who lives alone, a coworker who doesn’t have family close, someone caring for a sick child or spouse or parent, or someone exiting an addiction or abusive situation who is on shaky ground as they build their new life. You can be a lifeline for them especially at Christmas.

Prayerfully consider who is one, two, or three people you are aware of who are likely to be feeling alone or overwhelmed, and offer them the priceless Christmas gift of friendship.

Practical Ideas

You may have ideas already. Perhaps you are part of a big family or have significant resources such that reaching out to help someone else would only stretch you a little. If so, great! Just do it!

But if you feel very alone yourself or don’t feel like you have anything to offer, these simple suggestions might help you get your eyes off yourself long enough to lift someone else’s spirit who needs it this year.

• Invite that person to go for a walk with you. Just being in your presence and being noticed will be a wonderful gift.
• Bring someone with you to the Christmas program at your church. If you bring someone, you won’t be sitting alone!
• Who do you know who doesn’t live close but needs encouragement? Call them on the phone; your caring voice will make their day – and perhaps their Christmas.
• Take the time to write a few hand-written Christmas notes of “Thank you” or “Thinking of you,” and hand them out to your neighbors, mailman, or whoever.
• Invite your coworker who’s going home alone to join you for coffee after work, ask about their story, and see what develops.
• Open your home on Christmas eve and invite a couple people who need it. Is your home a small apartment, or is your furniture minimal and old? Who cares?! Open a couple cans of soup and/or make hot chocolate. If all you have is $10 to spend, you can still do this!

The feeling of being noticed and thought of is one of the best Christmas gifts you can offer someone who’s lonely, struggling, or overwhelmed.

Ideally this will become a lifestyle. You might make a new connection that turns into a long-term friendship. And you are becoming more like Jesus in the process.

To whom will you offer the priceless Christmas gift of friendship?

Your Turn: What creative idea do you have to help someone who’s hurting? How will you offer the priceless Christmas gift of friendship this year? Leave a comment below.

Want more? This week’s podcast is a conversation with Rebecca McLaughlin about friendship love – the kind of love Jesus said was not optional. Listen or watch.

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