The topic is not a new one; it’s as old as human history. In many circles it’s not considered polite to even say the words sex or sexuality. We use euphemisms and innuendos if we even speak of it at all. But sex and intimacy is still a hot topic in culture. It’s a big deal in the Christian church. And it affects you deeply regardless of how you feel about it.

The early followers of Jesus lived in a violent and highly sexualized culture – not unlike our world today. And yet they became known as those people who held to the counter-cultural and scandalous idea that sex was for one man and one woman in marriage. Today many in the Christian church forget just how counter-cultural that idea was.

That idea has certainly become counter-cultural again in our world today. Let’s take a snapshot look at sex and intimacy in culture today, in the Christian church, and more importantly, what that looks like for you.

In Culture

Sex and sexuality has always been a big deal in culture, and that is only increasing in today’s world. The Youth Risk Behavior Survey reports data every couple years, and the most recent data is very mixed. What many would consider good news is that among young people there is a continued decrease in risky sexual behaviors. Teens are initiating sex later, and having fewer sexual partners.

But the same data voices real concerns when looking at why this might be so. Mental health challenges including isolation and anxiety mean young people are having difficulty developing in-person relationships. Porn use continues to have a strong hold on young people. And the rates of sexually-transmitted infections are not decreasing. This data is consistent with that from many other sources, including the CDC and others.

What about older people? People in their 60s, 70s, and 80s still have sex! A lot of it. Many might consider that a good thing. But the rate of sexually-transmitted infections continues to “skyrocket” among older adults. I happen to live in a county with a large retirement community, and it’s common knowledge that the rate of STDs in that community is high, and growing.

Of course we could also talk about related issues including sex trafficking, LGBTQ issues, abortion, sexual abuse, and many more.

The point: the “anything goes” ethic culture ascribes to when it comes to sex, and the ubiquity of porn, has not assuaged the desires of the human heart. There’s still a hunger for intimacy – regardless of age, gender, or relationship status, that is not being filled.

In the Church

When it comes to the Christian church, many readers will have experienced a church culture where speaking about sex and sexuality was taboo. Thankfully, there has been a shift in recent years. A growing number of organizations and churches are talking about these issues, including the Sexual Integrity Leadership Summit, Restored Hope Network, HopeQuest, Covenant Eyes, and Authentic Intimacy, among others.

That’s good; we need to be talking about these things. Followers of Jesus should have the best answer to the emptiness in the human heart that drives people to disordered sexual behaviors.

But at the same time, new data out of Barna shows that porn use among Christian men and women continues to increase. About 2/3 of Christian men and 1/3 of Christian women admit to a struggle with porn. That includes significant numbers of pastors. And 84% of Christians who struggle with porn say they have nobody helping them, though many want help. While porn is only one issue, it demonstrates that all is not well with Christians and sex.

And we could also talk about the over 50% of Christian young people who have lived with a partner outside of marriage, the many Christian couples who report a miserable or absent married sex life, frequent unhealed sexual trauma, and more.

Clearly the standard message often given by the church of “sex is for marriage only,” often paired with “God forgives if you mess up”, as true as those messages may be, isn’t leading to wholeness for most church attendees.

What About You?

Numbers are interesting, but they don’t impact your heart much. But your story does. Your sexual story – all the good, bad, and perhaps ugly, stuff that happened to you and stuff you did or didn’t do in response – deeply impacts you now, in your body, your mind and emotions, your relationships, even your relationship with God.

What both modern culture and much of the Christian church has missed is that sex is not primarily about activity, behaviors, or the exchange of body fluids. Sex and intimacy are not the same. This is primarily about matters of the heart. And without dealing with those matters of the heart, nothing will get better. Only through looking at your story and addressing the wounds you’ve experienced and the empty places still in your soul can your future be different.

Trying harder doesn’t work. More facts don’t have a lasting impact. Only addressing the matters in your heart will lead to a different future. Three categories in that process:

1. Get under the surface. What happened to you? How did you learn about sex? What are the heart issues still affecting you today?
2. Develop a new lifestyle. Behavior change doesn’t work very well or very long. A new lifestyle must be developed from the inside out, flowing from what’s going on in your heart.
3. Bring Jesus into your story. When Jesus shows up, everything changes. He’s the One who can bring healing to your story and change you from the inside out.

That’s exactly what our all-new Sexpectations online course experience will walk you through. This will help you understand your sexual story with honesty and compassion, experience healing from whatever shame or brokenness has attached itself to you, and you’ll experienced grace and empowerment to write a new chapter for your future.

I encourage you to join me in this online course. It’s not primarily information; it’s an experience to help you find the transformation in your story that you need in 2025.

Your Turn: What do you see in the culture around you when it comes to sex and sexuality? What about in the church? What change do you desire in your own sexual story this year?   Leave a comment below.

Want more? This week on the podcast I look at sex and intimacy in culture and in the church, and further unpack steps you can take to address this in your life. Listen or watch.

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