If you’ve been in church for any time at all, you know people who you wouldn’t want to spend an evening with, let alone eternity. Their “righteous” behavior may be obnoxious instead of appealing. The superficial masks they wear keep everyone at a distance, and their pricklies may poke you if you try to get any closer. It seems their Christian life isn’t “working.”

Or you may see deep dysfunctions in those the church holds up as leaders. They may look shiny for a while, but something seems off. Dig just a little deeper and you may find an ugly sinful stronghold in their life.

Then perhaps you see this in yourself. You still get just as angry or afraid. Your little addictions to porn, gambling, or alcohol are only getting stronger. It’s taking ever more energy to hold it together and keep up the façade when you’re around church people. You wonder why Christianity seems to be working for everybody but you.

Something’s not working. Maybe you can just hold on long enough to get old enough so your particular sin struggle fades a bit. Righteousness by senility? Really? And some days even that seems impossible.

And Jesus grieves. This is not the life He came to bring you. God does not use perfect people; there are none available! But if your Christian life isn’t working, what’s missing?

The Church

These next couple paragraphs I write with deep humility and even grief. The Christian church was and is Jesus’ idea, and He has no plan B. And yet for the last 2000 years the gospel has survived and spread often in spite of Christians, not because of them. The church has always had problems. And Jesus has not left her, nor ever will!

And yet so many people have been hurt by Christians. Perhaps that includes you. As a whole, the church has too often made the point of the Christian life one of living by a certain set of behaviors; go to church weekly, read your Bible, give your money. And don’t lie, cheat, steal, or have sex outside of marriage. Success has too often been measured by numbers and institutional growth.

Please don’t lie, cheat, steal, or have sex outside of marriage; those behaviors will have consequences. And may many more people come into the family of God! But is that what this life is supposed to be about? What is being a Christian supposed to do for a person?

If we look at what the New Testament says the point is, it would be this; to become like Jesus. Paul said God’s plan was that you and I are “to be conformed to the image of his Son” (Romans 8:29).

So, in any way that I am not yet like Jesus, I’m sinning. That puts things in a whole different perspective. The point is not to stay away from porn or be financially generous to the poor, although those are super important. But the point is, am I becoming like Jesus?

And don’t mistake that for trying to become “nice.” Not at all. Jesus was scandalously safe but also scandalously dangerous. His character was full and rich, and not at all mousy.

Matters of the Heart

When here on earth, Jesus was always addressing matters of the heart. It’s out of the heart that bad things come. And also good things. (See Matthew 15:18-20) And knowing, even believing, the right things doesn’t automatically change the heart. “Even the demons believe–and shudder” (James 2:19).

And wouldn’t it be a relief to not automatically cower in fear or explode in anger? What if your trauma or your addiction were a healed scar rather than a controlling open bleeding wound? How free it would feel to let the masks fall away and simply be.

That comes through a change of heart. If going to church, attending small group, reading your Bible, etc. – if what you’re doing now is working, keep doing it! If it’s making you more like Jesus, celebrate! But too often those religious behaviors are not working. Some church members attend for decades without experiencing any real transformation. Some Christians devote their entire lives to service in the church and only become burned out, empty, and totally miserable to be around.

If your heart is not changing, if you’re not becoming more like Jesus, what do you do next?

The Process of Becoming

Any list like this is dangerous because it can make the process of becoming seem quick, easy, or like something you can control. But here are three critical ingredients in the process of transformation through which you become more like Jesus.

1. Come out from hiding. Terrifying as it may be, you will have to become open to God, to yourself, and to a few others. Often we can’t see ourselves truly, and it’s only through connecting with others and with God that we can see our own reality. And remember that Jesus always looks at you and your story with complete honesty and deep compassion.
2. Keep showing up. It’s a law of human nature that you will become more like those you spend the most time with. Are the people you’re hanging out with going where you want to go? Are they becoming more like Jesus? If so, do that more. If not, you may need to find a new friend. And this includes hanging out with Jesus too; you become more like Him by hanging out with Him.
3. Keep saying Yes. If you give Him permission to do so, the Holy Spirit will regularly put His finger on something in your life and say, “Let Me change you here.” He knows the speed at which you can handle transformation, and the order of things you need to address. You can trust Him. So when He touches something in you that needs to change and brings it up into the light , just say Yes.

So if going to church isn’t working, it may well be your context isn’t helping you deal with the matters in your heart. Don’t isolate! But you may need to become more intentional about your own process of transformation.

Your turn: Have you been frustrated or troubled about the Christian life not “working” for you or others? What matters of the heart do you sense Jesus inviting you to deal with?  Leave a comment below.

Want more? This week on the podcast I talk with Greg and Stacey Oliver about the “matters of the heart” behind sexual struggles and why it’s really an intimacy disorder. Listen or watch.

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• If your Christian life isn’t “working,” what’s missing? The church was and is Jesus’ idea. However, it’s really about matters of the heart. The process of becoming is not activities, but coming out of hiding, showing up, and saying Yes.  Tweet that.

Getting to the Matters of the Heart

The wounds, the unhealthy beliefs, the behavior patterns, the internal struggles, the spiritual oppression especially around intimacy, sex, and relationships – we can help with that.

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