Not everyone feels “merry” around the holidays. You’re “supposed” to enjoy this season of lights, music, giving, and family. But you also know it won’t live up to all that’s been promised. Part of you wants to hope your soul will be filled up, yet hoping might set you up for disappointment. And frankly, Christmas is often just plain hard.

The busyness, the travel, the stress on your finances, and that’s just a start. This might be your first Christmas without a loved one; that’s the case in my extended family. The holidays might make a relationship fracture feel more acute. Life circumstances might mean you have more time alone this season even while everyone else seems busy.

So yes, Christmas is hard.

And that’s precisely why we need Christmas so much.

Celebrating Christmas can be an act of defiant joy. Just as Jesus was born right into the middle of an evil mess, we can celebrate right now even in the middle of our mess, evil or not. And doing so helps us gather strength for another year.

Here are five ways you can rediscover joy even when Christmas is hard.

1. Slow Down

A friend said to me this week, “I’m very good at distracting myself.” It may seem easier than ever to stay that busy during the holidays, but it’s not helpful.

You don’t have to attend every holiday gathering, put up every decoration, buy every gift. Be thoughtful about where you invest your time, energy, and money.

But slowing down may also feel scary. It means you may have to contend with sadness, frustration, grief, or unfulfilled longings in addition to what we usually consider positive emotions. Instead of being a bad thing, it’s truthfully a priceless invitation. Your heart can only find solace and healing when you slow down.

2. Nourish Your Soul with Good Things

There is much good to take in. Some of the Christmas sights, sounds, tastes, etc. may be bittersweet; they may evoke very mixed feelings. But they can seriously nourish your soul.

Find ways to take in those good things. Take a drive to enjoy the Christmas lights. Light the candles. Attend the Christmas concert. Play the music. Enjoy your favorite Christmas movies. Taking in what is good does not ignore what’s wrong in your world or your life; it nourishes your soul. That’s precisely what you need to keep going.

3. Be Generous

There’s little that will lift your own spirits more than taking your eyes off yourself and giving to someone else. And I’m not talking about gifts under the tree, though that may be one aspect.

Find a way to give of yourself this year. Invite a lonely friend to your home for an evening, or to just meet for coffee. Volunteer at a place where people are needing help; a domestic violence shelter, a homeless mission, a hospice or children’s hospital, or even an animal shelter. Call up a friend or relative you haven’t connected with in a while. Take the time to sit and listen to someone who’s hurting. Make some special memories with your spouse if you’re married. Invite a single person to spend Christmas eve with your family.

4. Acknowledge Pain, and Choose Joy

Your mind has a much greater ability to choose what you pay attention to than you may realize. If your brain naturally runs along negative, lonely, or painful pathways, you can choose something different. You can acknowledge where you hurt, but then choose joy anyway.

There will be a moment where you are offered the choice for joy. It might be a beautiful winter landscape, a starry sky, or a crackling fire. It might be a savory warm drink, or a favorite Christmas carol. Or it might be in the kind eyes of a friend, or a memory of a past lovely holiday moment. You can choose to pause and savor that moment of goodness. All the negative in the world will still be there when you get done enjoying that moment, but it will look different and you’ll be stronger.

5. Look Forward

A baby changes everything. A baby is God’s opinion that the world should go on. And the birth of the Christ-child anew in you this year is God’s opinion that your world should go on.

The very reason Christmas exists is that things are so bad everywhere else. Christmas would not be necessary if it wasn’t for all the badness in the world. Jesus coming as a Baby means this is not the end of the story. The future outcome of this mess is as certain as your presence reading this sentence right now.

While we only see that future outcome in incomplete reflections, Christmas reminds us that God will not stop until everything, everything, is made right. You, your heart, your story, your body, your mind, your world – it all will be made right one day. There will be no more tears.

And that’s the reason I’m celebrating this year, even if Christmas is hard.

Your Turn: How might the holidays be hard for you? How are you going to celebrate and choose joy in the middle of that?  Leave your comment below.

Want more? This week’s podcast is with Donna VanLiere, all about Looking for Christmas even in the middle of a mess. Listen or watch.

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