What’s it like to be on the other side of you? If you were your friend, husband, wife, child, employee, boss, pastor, parishioner, what would it be like to be in relationship with you? And are you having the same effect on people that Jesus did?

It’s human nature to fall into the mindset that the world revolves around you. If other people would simply understand that, your life would be wonderful, right? Intellectually you probably agree that such a mindset is neither healthy nor like Jesus. But when frustrating things happen your emotional self gets triggered. When you get squeezed, what leaks out?

You leave a wake behind you. You influence all the people in your world. What’s that like?

The Example of Jesus

Regularly I think of what it would have been like to be around Jesus when He was here on earth. What effect did Jesus have on those around Him? Understanding that could help, since we’re called to become like Him.

Two things we can be sure of. First, Jesus was safe. Scandalously safe. Every person, without exception, felt drawn to Him. That was especially true of those who society looked down on – women, children, the poor, the sick or disabled, “sinners.” Nobody would have for a second felt that they had to clean themselves up a bit before coming to Jesus. He was like a magnet for humanity and for human problems.

And second, Jesus was dangerous. Scandalously and surprisingly dangerous. Jesus never left people the way He found them. Every person who came into His presence also sensed that only complete righteousness was acceptable. There was no glossing over sin or brokenness or any other “bad stuff.” Masks were torn away. People’s true motives, heart, attitudes were brought into full sunlight.

But the amazing thing was that Jesus’ very presence made goodness seem possible. His own righteousness was so appealing you wanted to become like Him. It wasn’t, “Go away, try harder, and come back when you’ve got it together.” Instead, the message of Jesus verbally and nonverbally was, “Come! Stay close! Being with Me is the way to get there.”

So, is that the effect I have on people? Am I both scandalously safe and scandalously dangerous, like Jesus was?

Scandalously Safe

How safe is it to be in relationship with me? That’s a worthy question, and a scary one. Shortly after I got married I came to understand the powerful impact I had on my husband. My responses to him made a huge difference in his sense of wellbeing. In many ways his heart was a fragile plant that could be crushed by my words, starved by my neglect, or wounded if I acted harshly. I was far from perfect, but that understanding helped me choose the kind of wife I wanted to be.

Today I can see similar patterns in all my relationships. Do my stepsons and their families sense that I truly love and care about them? Do my coaching clients feel they can truly and safely discuss any hard “stuff” with me? When participants come to our Intensives, do they feel in their very being that it’s OK to “go there” with their messy stories? Do the team members who work with me feel like this is a “no eggshells zone” – that they can say anything that needs to be said?

This becomes especially critical when problems arise. When a team member makes a mistake, do they cringe to let me know? If I have a problem with a vendor, would my response mean they would never want to do business with me again? Are my neighbors glad I live next door to them?

Scandalously safe does not mean being weak. It does mean that the more I’m like Jesus, the more people feel invited to come closer.

Scandalously Dangerous

For some people, being dangerous feels natural. They spout off “truths” and call people out in a way that drives them away. Their prickly spines make connection impossible. They’re just being “righteous,” right?

But being dangerous without being safe first doesn’t work. Jesus’ being scandalously dangerous was not “you better shape up.” It was much more like, “I see you. Come closer. I’m the place where you can deal with this.” And in the coming closer new categories of freedom, wholeness, and transformation became possible.

Is any goodness displayed in me appealing? Does someone who hangs around me feel called up to a better, higher, way of living because of what they experience with me? Do they get the sense of, “I can do that too!” Does my way of life offer enough of a pattern that if someone else lived like I do, they would become more like Jesus? Are the footprints I leave behind a good path for someone else to follow?

Do my words align with my actions? Do they lift the person up who hears me? If someone dug deeper into my life, would they be repelled, or would they want more of what I have?

Stewarding My Effect on People

Sometimes I get very sobered by these kinds of questions. I’ve learned that I have to trust my own transformation to the Holy Spirit rather than “trying harder” myself. As long as I keep following Jesus, as long as I keep showing up and keep saying Yes, He makes Himself responsible for my becoming like Him.

So although the effect I have on others is more important than ever, that’s not what to focus on. I must keep my eyes on Jesus, not myself. The more I keep Him at the center of my awareness, the more I will continue to be transformed. And it’s His fragrance through me that draws others not to me, but to Him.

That’s the way I want it to be. And I think that’s how He wants it to be too.

“For we are the aroma of Christ to God among those who are being saved and among those who are perishing, to one a fragrance from death to death, to the other a fragrance from life to life. Who is sufficient for these things?” (2 Corinthians 2:15-16).

You can be that aroma too.

Your Turn: What is the effect you have on people around you? To what degree are you scandalously safe and scandalously dangerous, like Jesus?  Leave a comment below.

Want more? This week’s podcast episode is a conversation with Ann Wilson about the impact of a wife’s words on her husband’s heart. Listen or watch.

Tweetables: why not share this post?

• To what degree is your impact on people similar to Jesus’ effect on people? Jesus was both scandalously safe and scandalously dangerous. People were both drawn to Him, and transformed by Him. Is that the same with you?  Tweet that.

Not Happy With Your Effect on People?

Old stuff, hangups, trauma, beliefs, deeply-embedded brain pathways – those are the things that need to change if you want your effect on people to be different. And we can help with that.

Join us at an upcoming intensive – a beautiful 4-day premium experience that can change so much. Bring the hard places of your story into the light, and experience Jesus coming right into the middle of your story with healing, freedom, and transformation.