Today is different. I’m not sharing an article; I’m sharing some answers to questions you’ve sent in about sex, love, and relationships, and some ways to get more.

Every day I hear from teens, men, and women who are facing challenges around sexuality, mental wellbeing, relationships, or relationship with God. My heart often breaks with the pain, shame, and struggle these people are experiencing. So here are a few representative questions, and a short version of my answers.

Menopause, Intimacy, and Sex

Jennifer asks, “I would like to know how to strengthen my intimacy post menopause. I’ve lost sexual interest. I still think he is the most sexy thing on the planet. But my mood and thoughts get in the way of our intimate moments. I cannot shut down my brain.”

The hormone changes during the menopause transition impact every part of a woman’s life, including your sexual response. If your body is not feeling well, it will be much harder to “get into the mood.” Relationship issues have often built up in your marriage by now, and if these aren’t addressed you no longer have the same amount of reproductive hormones in your system that helped you push past such things previously.

Check out our Navigating Midlife online course for some specific help in optimizing your wellbeing during this season. And in your marriage, make sure to invest in intimacy outside the bedroom. Talk about sex with your spouse! And you might appreciate our ebook Dr. Carol’s Guide to Sex and Menopause.

Porn, Masturbation, and Connection with God

Tom asks, “I really need help. I struggle with porn and masturbation. How can I be closer to God in my journey because after 6 days I always relapse. It’s been a struggle.”

Know first that God loves you right now, even in the middle of your mess! You don’t have to “get it together” for God to love you more.

Growing in sexual wholeness is not about trying harder; that doesn’t work. This is about getting under the surface and addressing the matters in your heart. It’s about deeply connecting with a few other people. And it’s about being real and “raw” with God Himself. I unpack more about that process in our free download A Prescription for Sexual Healing – God’s Way.

No Intimacy in Marriage

Gina asks, “What if my spouse is passive about intimacy? He is not sexually active and even withholds verbal communication for weeks. I get frustrated, which opens the door for porn thoughts to gratify my sexual release. Then I fall into guilt and a downward spiritual spiral.”

As painful as the lack of intimacy in your marriage is, remember that you are responsible for your heart, and how you steward your sexuality. Desiring sex is a good thing. But the deeper need you have is for intimacy – with a few others, and with God Himself.

And in your marriage, focus on what you can do, regardless of your spouse’s behavior. Who is God calling you to be to your husband? Make sure you are being the invitation for your spouse to come closer to you. Consider what underlying reasons might be keeping your husband at a distance. You might appreciate our Communication Style Assessment. And look for more help on our Relationships page.

More Q&A and Connection Points

This week on the podcast I address several questions sent in by people just like you. In addition to the above questions, I also address marital rape, forgiveness for a “repeat sinner,” and spiritual warfare. My answers on the podcast are a bit deeper than I can write here, and you’ll enjoy listening or watching.

If you’re not already subscribed, I invite you to connect in your podcast app; just look for Relationship Prescriptions with Dr. Carol. Or subscribe to our YouTube channel.

And if you’d like something more personal, something one-on-one, check out my Coaching page.

Your Turn: Do you have a question you’d like me to address? Leave it in the comments below, and I’ll address it in my next Q&A.

Tweetables: why not share this?

• You send in so many great questions! On this podcast episode I loved addressing your questions about intimacy and menopause, porn and masturbation, lack of marriage intimacy, and several more. Tweet that.

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