A husband I’ll call George feels paralyzed. He knows things aren’t well in his soul or in his marriage, but he feels stuck. He wrote to me; “I’m afraid to change or address how I do things.” He’s had no experience in facing hard things and doing the work to move forward and discover something better.

Perhaps you’re afraid also. You recognize the fear is stopping you from moving forward, but you keep swirling. You might even feel ashamed of feeling afraid; doesn’t the Bible say repeatedly, “Don’t be afraid”?

We as humans usually struggle with change. Change is scary, whether it’s change that happens in our circumstances that we can’t control, or doing the hard work of changing our own thoughts, attitudes, and behavior.

But that’s what the gospel is all about! No pretending it’s easy, but we’re not on our own. Jesus does not shame you for your fear. But He does invite you to deal with it, to bring it into the light, and to refuse to stay there.

Let’s explore five common ways you may be afraid to change, and then some ways to address it.

Five Fears About Doing the Work of Change

1. Afraid Looking at the Truth will Overwhelm You

The physician part of me likens this to a patient who is having serious symptoms. The prospect of having a doctor say to them, “You’ve got stage four cancer” is terrifying. But that same doctor will also say, “Now let’s talk about treatment.”

Fear of the truth doesn’t make you a bad person, but please don’t stay there. Ignoring reality doesn’t change it. Bringing the truth into the light disinfects the shame, and is the very step that makes all the next steps of growth, freedom, and transformation possible.

2. Afraid You Will Fail if You Try to Change

Nobody likes to fail, especially if the stakes feel really high. Do I have what it takes? Can I really do this? What if I try, take a few steps, and fall flat on my face? Won’t that feel even more embarrassing than if I never tried?

Let me remind you that no child learns to walk without falling. That’s not failure; it’s part of the process. We have scientific evidence that new brain pathways can form at any age. A seemingly slow and uneven journey just means the change matters.

3. Afraid of Someone Else’s Response

George worries about talking about these things with his wife. If you change, the people closest to you will be affected. They may not immediately believe or understand you, agree with what you’re trying to do, or support you in doing so.

But when was people pleasing helpful? Part of the change you may need to practice is learning to communicate and interact in a healthier way. You can do that, all while coming to live your life before an audience of One.

4. Afraid of What Change Will Mean

Jesus asked the man paralyzed for 38 years, “Do you want to be made well?” (John 5:6). This process of transformation means you won’t be able to hold onto the excuses you relied on in the past. A more whole lifestyle will require things of you that will stretch you.

Isn’t that what you want at the deepest part of your soul? You have the choice to remain where you are, but is that the life you want? Jesus says the same thing to you; “Do you want to be made whole?” You get a choice. But it’s worth the struggle.

5. Afraid of Who You Will Be if You Change

Dysfunction can become part of your identity. Even though it hurts, it becomes comfortable because it’s what you know. It takes time to come to see yourself not as the dysfunctional, wounded, broken person, but as someone who is strong, healed, capable, and whole.

When the pain of remaining the same becomes greater than the fear of change, then you’ll do the work to become more whole.

What to Do When You’re Afraid to Change

So if Jesus doesn’t shame you for your fear of change, what is He calling you to do? It’s not to try harder; I’m not afraid. I’m not afraid. I’M NOT AFRAID!

Here are three solid Biblical principles that are also strongly supported by contemporary research, that will help you deal with this fear.

1. One Step at a Time

You didn’t get to where you are in a day. And you won’t become a healthier more whole person in a day either. The process of transformation Jesus invites you into is just that – a process. You can’t climb the mountain in a moment. But you can take one next step!

The Holy Spirit is both gentle and persistent. And He’s good! Give Him permission to bring the next thing in your life that needs to change into the light. Trust that He knows the order and speed that you can handle it. And when He does bring something to your awareness, just say Yes and follow Him.

2. Don’t Do It Alone

Humans can do very hard things if they don’t have to do it alone. It’s a function of our brains, our neurological system. Fear subsides when you’re not alone.

You need a friend, just like Jesus did when He was here on earth. Who is your Peter, James, and John? It is worth extraordinary effort to find your people – the person(s) who will be part of this transformation process with you. And when you get wounded by people you’re trying to connect with, pause for a moment and then get back to finding your (maybe different) people.

3. Bring Your Fear to Jesus

All the human steps you can take are important. Jesus won’t “zap” fear away from you if you’re just sitting back and waiting. But bringing your fear to Jesus is what will change things most significantly. “Perfect love casts our fear” (1 John 4;8). He is love! So if you want the fear to go away, go where love is.

Imagine your fear as a physical thing. Hold it in your hands. Look at it. Feel it’s prickly, cold, and ugly shape. Then imagine Jesus sitting next to you as if you could see Him with your physical eyes. Take that ugly fear, and reach out and hand it to Him. It’s not yours any longer.

And each time you feel afraid to change, take it and hand it over to Jesus once again. It’s going to be OK.

Your turn: Where do you sense the Holy Spirit wanting to deal with you about something, to change you? Where are you afraid to change? What next step will you take in dealing with that fear?   Leave a comment below.

Want more? This week on the podcast I talk with Zion Montgomery about the healing change in your marriage that faith can make, and how to do that. Listen or watch.

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