Some Christians seem to believe God brings us suffering on purpose, to build our character. Others believe that following Jesus should eliminate suffering. Some blame themselves for their problems. Some blame God when He doesn’t quickly “fix” things. Suffering seems a universal part of life on this earth. But is some of that unnecessary suffering?

There are a few absolute truths we can hold on to. God is never surprised by our suffering. He can bring good out of even the worst things we experience (see Genesis 50:20). Jesus carried our sorrows for us on the cross. He is intimately present with us when we suffer. And He will not stop until everything, everything, is ultimately made right.

But right now it hurts! God is present with us regardless of where our suffering comes from. But it helps in knowing what to do next to differentiate between necessary and unnecessary suffering.

Unnecessary Suffering

There are countless ways in which we suffer – physically, emotionally, relationally, spiritually. Not all of that suffering is inevitable. It’s not a pleasant thought, but sometimes you are your own worst enemy. This is often only partially true, but what dimension of your pain have you contributed to – intentionally or unintentionally?

What about the suffering of material lack – poverty? Have you invested your time and energy well, refusing to blame others for where you are in life? Are you using good money management skills, staying away from debt? Have you learned to be a wise steward of any physical resources you do have? It’s been said, for example, that God won’t bring you a new car if you’re not taking care of the one you have.

What about the suffering of a troubled, broken, or ending marriage? Have you failed to address the things that are within your control – your own attitudes, words, and behavior? Or have you tried to control with your anger, pettiness, or criticism? Have you withdrawn from engaging with your spouse in the ways they were open to? Have you compromised your boundaries or held back from difficult conversations? (Note: you are not responsible for your spouse’s bad behavior. Ever!)

What about physical suffering? Are you experiencing consequences from a lifestyle of unhealthy eating, no exercise, or substance abuse? Have you cared for your body well, with appropriate rest and medical care?

Wallowing in shame and guilt is never useful. But the sobering truth is that some of our suffering was at least made worse by the decisions we made and actions we took.

That’s actually good news! Because it also means we can now reduce our suffering by making new decisions and taking different actions. What next step would God have you take now?

Necessary Suffering

God’s people have always suffered. And some of that suffering is part of the cost if we want to experience all that God has for us in His kingdom.

Moses suffered in leading an uneducated band of slaves who regularly rebelled against what God told them to do. Elijah suffered the furious anger of a Jezebel out to destroy him after he demonstrated the reality of the God of heaven. Jesus suffered misunderstanding, rejection, and death from those who refused His offer of life. Peter, Paul, and others endured suffering as a result of their refusal to shut up about the message God had entrusted them to share.

There are times – many times – when doing the right thing invites suffering:

• The parent who continues to lovingly care for a disabled child
• The spouse who loves husband or wife well through a long or terminal illness
• The employee who refuses to compromise his Christian principles even though it might cost him his job
• The business owner who acts with integrity even when it may cost her market share or profits
• The believer who risks alienating friends or family by lovingly standing up for righteousness in some controversial area

Have you ever talked with someone who has suffered in one of these ways? Frequently they will not think of their experience as suffering, or at least not talk about it as such. The meaning, fulfillment, or reassurance that they are doing what God wants them to do is what matters most.

There is also suffering that comes directly from the kingdom of darkness seeking to oppose your own transformation or the impact God is asking you to make for His kingdom. Jesus did not call His followers to “your best life now.” Following Jesus is both suffering and breakthrough.

Suffering Well

It’s a mistake to believe that all suffering comes from either God or Satan. Some of our suffering comes from our own choices.

It’s also a mistake to believe that all suffering is either good or bad.

So if you find yourself suffering in some way, here are some questions to ask that will help you know if it’s necessary or unnecessary suffering.

1. What choices do I have?

And you always have choices! You may not always like the choices you have, but you always have them. You may have the choice to change your lifestyle, to work harder or smarter, or to learn to forgive. You may need to learn to love well even through painful circumstances. You can come to realize that the eternal benefits of the suffering you may encounter far outweigh any temporary gains from compromise.

2. What is God calling me to do right here, right now?

If your spouse or your child is sick, God is calling to you be right there caring for them. If you are not living the healthy lifestyle you know you should, God is calling you to make the necessary changes regardless of how hard it may be. If your popularity or job or comfort might be at risk by acting with truth and integrity, God is calling you to put Him first – regardless.

Sometimes these questions are challenging. Take time to seek God’s voice about your situation rather than simply seeking the easy way out.

3. How can I hold on to God’s strength through this?

If your suffering is the result of godly choices, He will always give you the strength to persevere. He will also give you the motivation you need to make hard changes if you need to do so in response to some unnecessary suffering. You may need to learn how to “suffer well” – refusing to accept shame or guilt for unnecessary suffering, while embracing suffering that comes from doing things God’s way.

The End of Suffering

One day there will be no more suffering. And Paul said it will all be worth it! “For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory” (2 Corinthians 4:17).

Your Turn: Is your suffering necessary or unnecessary? How do you know? Leave your comment below.

Want more: In this week’s podcast I talk with Dr. Michelle Bengston about the scars – visible and invisible – that we call experience, and how they can become sacred scars. Listen or watch.

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